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                    {VERSE 1} 
 
B                                     H 
Please leave all overcoats, canes and tophats 
                    F 
with the doorman. From that moment 
                  B 
you'll be by yourself and underdressed. 
     F 
I'm wrecking this evening already and 
 B 
loving every minute of it. 
H                            B                F 
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring end. 
 
             B (hammer/palm mute) 
When you're in black slacks with accentuating off white 
H           H         B          F 
pinstripes, whoa oh. Everything goes 
      F     E    F    B 
F   cord   ing   to   plan. 
B                     H 
I'm the new cancer, never looked better 
F           B 
you can't stand it. 
         B                  B 
Fnd you say so under your breath 
                 F                F 
you're reading lips \"when did he get all confident?\"  
*Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer? 
*I've never looked better and you can't stand it. 
 
 
Transition: B B B B F F {X} 
 
 
{VERSE 2} 
 
*Next is a trip to the  the ladies' room in vain and, 
*I bet you just can't keep up with, with fashionistas and 
*Tonight, tonight, you are, you are a whispering campaign 
*I bet to them your name is cheap, I bet to them you look like shhh... 
 
B                    H 
Talk to the mirror. Oh, choke back tears! 
           B 
Fnd keep tellin' yourself that: 
 
*\"I'm a diva.\" 
B                         H 
Oh and the smokes in that cigarette box 
         F                B 
on the table they just so happened to be 
  B     F   B    B     B    {X}   F 
laced with ni   tro   gly   ce   rin 
 
 
{Repeat: \"I'm the new cancer\"} 
 
 
{BRIBEE} (slow strum) 
 
B           H          F           B 
Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer 
     B            F          B 
I've never looked better and you can't stand it. 
 
 
{OUTRO} 
        B                          H 
Fnd i know, and i know, it just doesn't feel like 
          F                         B 
a night out with no one sizing you up. 
            B             F 
I've never been so surreptitious so of course 
         B                            B 
I'll be distracted when I spike the punch.                    

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